My Journey: Fighting a constant battle

For the past 10 months, I have been fighting a battle with my body. I’m starting to think it hates me. I don’t remember what it was like to not be uncomfortable or in pain. I don’t remember what it’s like to not be exhausted. I don’t remember what it’s like to actually have energy. I don’t know what it’s like to feel ‘normal’. This illness has taken over my life and hasn’t made it very pleasant. I can’t wait to find out what is wrong with me.

On the 21st I will be put under general anaesthetic for a full camera investigation. Normally something like this is done under sedation. I cannot have sedation because my blood pressure is so low and earlier in the year I had a camera investigation that wasn’t a full one and honestly I have never been in so much pain. I was screaming. Never do I want to experience something like that again. Luckily the Dr I’m seeing now understands and is happy to put me to sleep. Honest, y the thought of that scares me. I’ve had anaesthetic before but there’s always a worry of ‘what if I don’t wake up’.

I’m scared that this test is going to show nothing. I’m also scared it’s going to show something. My Dr is doing this test to check from Crohn’s Disease and Colitis. Both are chronic illnesses neither of which I want to have. But, if I do have one of these at least I will have an answer.

I’ve lived with this problem everyday for 10 months. That may not sound like a long time but when you are in pain everyday and have a upset stomach everyday it’s exhausting. I’m scared of eating out. I’m scared of going out somewhere new. I’m scared of being me because of this problem.

At the moment I don’t know what to think or feel but the amount of support I’ve had on my Instagram post about this is amazing. So many people to the time to comment and give me some advice. It’s nice to know that ‘strangers’ care.

I decided I’m going to document my journey and see what the outcome is. If anything.

Laura x

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  • Reply Gabrielle Snow

    I really hope they’ll find out what is going on and that they’ll be able to make you feel better. This really really sucks and I’m sorry you are going through that. I’m sending you lots of positive thoughts and strengths…
    xxx Gaby

    October 11, 2017 at 7:04 pm
    • Reply hellolaurax

      Thank you so much Gaby xx

      October 11, 2017 at 7:05 pm
  • Reply Nigel Ward

    Hi Laura, I’ve suffered from Crohn’s Disease since I was 18 years after a few years of hospital visits and medication! I have undergone 80% of my large bowel removed and avoided a bag! Since the 9 years ago I have put on 5 stone in weight and now weigh 14 stone. I am able to eat anything which I wasn’t before. I take a medication called Azathioprine an anti immune suppressant which seems to control Crohn’s. I have to have a monthly blood test to make sure the drug does not alter my blood cells to much. Down side prone to colds infections. I still get extremely tired but compared to how i was 100% improved. I had numerous cameras etc all intrusive but staff have always been wonderful. For me it was the not knowing and hope you get some answers. There is a life and it will get better keep in touch big hug Nigel x

    October 15, 2017 at 10:20 pm
    • Reply hellolaurax

      Hi Nigel, thank you so much for your comment. I’m glad to see that you finally got help after a long time and that you are now so much better than you used to be. Your comment has made me feel a lot better about the situation. Fingers crossed I’ll get some answers. X

      October 17, 2017 at 6:05 pm
  • Reply marie aygat

    Sorry to hear this ..I really hope they soon find out and they help you out on the way of recovery . If that can be of any help I was (after my daughter birth) feeling crap for about 7 months everyday (tired, dizziness, tummy ache etc…) and none of my Doctors could tell me what it was apart ‘probably birth related’ now I am 70% better still not 100% but much better ( and still dunno what it is?) . Hopefully one day you ll wake up much better and slowly you’ll recover although I do hope they find out what it is keep us updated . Wish you lots love and a big hug from me.

    November 8, 2017 at 11:11 am
  • Reply Shaun McGovern

    I’ve had similar problems the last two years! It was so hard for me to adjust to constant pain and exhaustion, especially after being active my whole life. I’m still trying to find what works best for me and my condition (MTHFR mutation), and I hope you figure out what works for you too! Wishing you all the best X

    December 5, 2017 at 3:09 pm
  • Reply Polly

    You’re so so brave! I know the thought of a GA is scary, but it’s a step to getting a diagnosis and helping you piece together another piece of you.

    I know it’s so hard – my boyfriend’s friend suffers from chronic GI problems and it was a struggle for a long time, but he’s changed his diet and he is just a completely different person now and is so much better!

    We’re all here for you every step of the way – keep us updated x

    Polly |

    January 14, 2018 at 9:23 am
  • Reply Kat

    I hope they can find out what it is. All the best xx

    January 19, 2018 at 10:39 pm
  • Reply Samantha

    Hi Ivw been told I now have either crohns or collitis and it’s agony every since day and you get no relief from it .I’m on butrans patches and they help but there are nasty side effects to them .
    I’m very scared but I’m used to intrusive investigations has got told I had I. B.s 18 years ago .
    I also have chronic fatigue syndrome .
    I will continue to read your blogs and Hope you soon get the right answers n treatment

    February 12, 2018 at 6:58 pm
    • Reply hellolaurax

      Thank you! Xx

      February 13, 2018 at 5:24 am
  • Reply Zoe

    So sorry that you’re having to go through this. I have experience of working within investigation units (endoscopy and XRay) and I understand how frustrating it can to not have a definitive diagnosis. So, I do hope you get the answer that you need, so you can undergo the correct treatment.

    All the best and good luck!

    XO Zoe |

    June 29, 2018 at 4:13 pm
  • Reply Jess

    I find this so relatable! It is awful feeling horrible but not knowing what has caused it. I too have struggled with stomach issues and am still yet to find a sympathetic doctor who actually wants to help me. I really hope you find the cause of your issues x

    Jess ||

    September 3, 2018 at 12:27 pm
    • Reply hellolaurax

      Hi Jess, Thank you for your comment. Since this post I have been diagnosed with Crohns Disease which was a relief but also scary. I hope you manage to find a doctor to help you. Keep pushing and trying until you get the help you need. Laura x

      September 4, 2018 at 1:20 pm

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