At the age of 14 I started dating a guy, we were best friends at school and just sort of ended up together. Early on in our relationship we argued and argued and argued. You may think, wow that can’t have lasted long. Fast forward 9 years, we were still together. When you get into a relationship at 14 you don’t think about anything. All that goes through your head is OMG I have a boyfriend, OMG he’s amazing, OMG, we are going to be together forever! NO, just no.
I’m writing this post to share my experience and hopefully help someone out, who could be in the same position as I was.
No matter how relationships end, it’s heartbreaking. For me, I was actually hurting myself by staying and I had been doing this for a number of years. The reason why I thought it was better to hurt myself than to hurt other people around me. Wow, how wrong was I? For a good 2 years, I wasn’t happy, you may be thinking, Laura why didn’t you end it then? I couldn’t it was my comfort zone and I thought I was ‘happy’ and it was other things that were causing me to feel this way not my relationship, at the time I really hated my job and I thought this was the reason. When you have been in a long-term relationship, it feels like home almost. You are so used to said person being a part of your day to day life you don’t know what anything else is like or how to live out of that situation.
One morning I woke up and I decided, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t lie to myself, I couldn’t lie to my family and most importantly I couldn’t lie to said person. I needed to do what was best for me and to be honest my mentality was ‘fuck what other people think’. I was upset, but mostly I was relieved I had made a huge life decision, left my comfort zone and I was excited/nervous to start a new chapter in my life.
How did I tell my family?
I remember going into my mum crying that my relationship was over. She thought I was crying because I was sad. The truth is they were bitter-sweet tears. For weeks my parents thought we would get back together and they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t in my room crying about it. I don’t think they realise the relationship for me was over a hell of a long time before it actually was.
Reaction from said person?
All I can remember is anger. I guess he didn’t understand and he didn’t really give me the chance to explain. Since that day we have hardly spoken.
How did I move forward?
Basically,I just got on with my life. I had started a new job a few months before and I just threw myself head first into that and I haven’t looked back. I haven’t once thought ‘am I doing the right thing?’.
Looking back I probably should have done things differently. But I am a firm believer that things happen at the exact moment they are supposed to happen. If I had ended it 5 years ago I probably wouldn’t be where I am today and I may not be as happy as I am today. And that is a scary thought.
I think the main thing I have learned from my experience is that it is ok to do what’s best for you. It’s ok to be selfish and its ok to move on. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t feel like you need to stay where you are because you’ve been together for a long time. If for you things have come to an end then that’s ok.
Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
Laura x
13 Comments
Beautiful post, i know what you mean about a comfort zone, i stayed with someone for too long because it was easier than ending things, we had the same friends etc, and similar to you, I’m glad i did it, I’m much happier now 🙂 I’m glad things are good with you! Love your blog 🙂
March 12, 2017 at 9:17 amThanks for your comment. It’s a difficult situation to be in isn’t it and sometimes you just don’t know what to do for the best x
March 16, 2017 at 2:39 pmI haven’t been in this situation before so I don’t know what it’s like to be in either position, but I think I would’ve broken up with them a few months or so after I realised that I’m no longer in love with them. It just causes more pain for both parties to hold on, and sometimes it’s better to have a clean break than to string it out.
March 16, 2017 at 2:32 pmGreat post, always no regrets!
March 20, 2017 at 10:18 amI think at the end of the day, you’ll never regret doing what is best for you. Being “selfish” has such a negative connotation, but you’re the only one who can control your happiness! Really brave of you to take that step.
March 22, 2017 at 7:07 pmThank you so much! It was a huge deal for me and did take a lot to actually do it.
March 22, 2017 at 7:08 pmLaura, thank you so much for sharing this post… I’ve written a similar one, but haven’t got the courage to share it on my blog just yet. A few months ago, my ex ended our long-term-long-distance relationship. I’m in Glasgow, and he’s just outside London- that’s just about 365 miles. He ended things with me at a party, when he was up visiting. We were both pretty drunk, and so I convinced myself that it was a mistake and that soon he’d realise that and that it was just a break. It didn’t help that he kissed me before he left for the train home…. It’s been difficult coming to terms with how things ended, but I’ve learned to appreciate the importance of surrounding yourself with people who love and care for you.
June 12, 2017 at 5:07 pmSara, I’m so sorry this happened to you. What a rubbish way for him to end things. Keep smiling though and always think positive. I’m around if you ever want to talk xx
June 14, 2017 at 4:53 amThe truth in this is unreaaaaal! I basically went through the exact thing, with my ex actually cheating on me as well during it, and I just was so “comfortable” and did not want to be alone so I dealt with it. I finally broke free and I’m so happy I did. This was four years ago and it’s been a wild ride.
June 17, 2017 at 12:15 pmThis is beautiful! Such a well written and emotionful post, such a positive outlook! Well done ☺️Xx
June 23, 2017 at 3:22 pmThank you so much! ? xxx
June 25, 2017 at 12:01 pmI can really relate to this post, I was in a long term relationship from the age of 16 to 21, it was everything a young relationship is: intense, you say about marriage and kids – not really understanding how hard life will be. The relationship was a controlling and emotionally abusive one and I was miserable for the last 2 years of it. It felt comfortable to me, and the idea of being along scared me too much to contemplate leaving. We also lived together.
But I, similarly to you, woke up one day and thought – how can I spend the rest of my life with someone I don’t love? I was settling cause I was comfortable.
I told him my feelings, and he was really upset for weeks. I was upset about missing his family and starting anew but luckily my friends helped me through it. It was the right thing.
A year after the relationship ended, I started my blog Never Settle, under my name: http://evegreenow.com/
And the idea of it was that you should never settle for less that what you deserve. How it’s better sometimes learning to be your own person than with the wrong person.
I’d love you to take a look at it, especially my post, When Is Love Not Enough http://evegreenow.com/?s=When+is+love+not+enough
And the post, Why Young Love Is A Mistake http://evegreenow.com/2015/12/17/why-young-love-is-a-mistake/
Thanks for a great post and glad you’re doing well xxxx
October 30, 2017 at 5:51 pmI had to end a long term, long distance relationship over the phone. We hadn’t seen eachother for a few months and hadn’t spoken for a few days, so he knew I was going to end it when I called at 2pm – I would always call in the evening. I cried for days, not because I missed him but because I knew he was going through a hard time and I had added to it. I just couldn’t overlook certain things any more. It’s hard but both parties will move on.
January 27, 2018 at 1:06 pm