At the age of 14 I started dating a guy, we were best friends at school and just sort of ended up together. Early on in our relationship we argued and argued and argued. You may think, wow that can’t have lasted long. Fast forward 9 years, we were still together. When you get into a relationship at 14 you don’t think about anything. All that goes through your head is OMG I have a boyfriend, OMG he’s amazing, OMG, we are going to be together forever! NO, just no.
I’m writing this post to share my experience and hopefully help someone out, who could be in the same position as I was.
No matter how relationships end, it’s heartbreaking. For me, I was actually hurting myself by staying and I had been doing this for a number of years. The reason why I thought it was better to hurt myself than to hurt other people around me. Wow, how wrong was I? For a good 2 years, I wasn’t happy, you may be thinking, Laura why didn’t you end it then? I couldn’t it was my comfort zone and I thought I was ‘happy’ and it was other things that were causing me to feel this way not my relationship, at the time I really hated my job and I thought this was the reason. When you have been in a long-term relationship, it feels like home almost. You are so used to said person being a part of your day to day life you don’t know what anything else is like or how to live out of that situation.
One morning I woke up and I decided, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t lie to myself, I couldn’t lie to my family and most importantly I couldn’t lie to said person. I needed to do what was best for me and to be honest my mentality was ‘fuck what other people think’. I was upset, but mostly I was relieved I had made a huge life decision, left my comfort zone and I was excited/nervous to start a new chapter in my life.
How did I tell my family?
I remember going into my mum crying that my relationship was over. She thought I was crying because I was sad. The truth is they were bitter-sweet tears. For weeks my parents thought we would get back together and they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t in my room crying about it. I don’t think they realise the relationship for me was over a hell of a long time before it actually was.
Reaction from said person?
All I can remember is anger. I guess he didn’t understand and he didn’t really give me the chance to explain. Since that day we have hardly spoken.
How did I move forward?
Basically,I just got on with my life. I had started a new job a few months before and I just threw myself head first into that and I haven’t looked back. I haven’t once thought ‘am I doing the right thing?’.
Looking back I probably should have done things differently. But I am a firm believer that things happen at the exact moment they are supposed to happen. If I had ended it 5 years ago I probably wouldn’t be where I am today and I may not be as happy as I am today. And that is a scary thought.
I think the main thing I have learned from my experience is that it is ok to do what’s best for you. It’s ok to be selfish and its ok to move on. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t feel like you need to stay where you are because you’ve been together for a long time. If for you things have come to an end then that’s ok.
Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?